Tom Boonen has toothache!!!! :(
Published by Halverde on 4/28/2006 at 19:50.
Or: Slow news day.
Poor Tom. As well as humiliating himself in the name of anti-smell face cream (tune in tomorrow), he's got an ongoing problem with his teeth.
The problem was SO BAD that he was UNABLE TO SELL THINGS TO THE BEGLIAN MASSES. No World Champion has ever been so unfortunate. Our attempts to interview his dentist for a 3,000 word interview-cum-feature were in vain, but we'll leave no stone unturned in our investigation.
Following the TOP SECRET information we've been able to gather thus far, Derailed predicts a large scale degradation of Boonen's physical condition to rival that of just about every coastline in Europe. Mark our words: he'll be advertising denture glue on Eurosport within five years.
Not entirely a slow news day, actually
Alberto Contador won in Romandie, which is good because we like him. The only reason we're not bombarding you with overenthusiastic praise of him is because of this:
"An almost identical performance to his victory atop Les Paccots exactly twelve months ago, the Spaniard attacked with an inner force of someone who has being on the brink of death and bounced back, driving home his advantage to not only earn him the stage, but also the overall lead in the 60th Tour de Romandie."
CyclingNews used up the day's hyberbole quotient in a single race report :(
TOMORROW:
Boonen sells out. But it'll be funnier and less forced than today's entry, promise.
Toothache news stolen from here, because we couldn't think of anything for ourselves:
Cycling News - April 28
Contador news stolen from here:
Cycling News - Romandie
Poor Tom. As well as humiliating himself in the name of anti-smell face cream (tune in tomorrow), he's got an ongoing problem with his teeth.
The problem was SO BAD that he was UNABLE TO SELL THINGS TO THE BEGLIAN MASSES. No World Champion has ever been so unfortunate. Our attempts to interview his dentist for a 3,000 word interview-cum-feature were in vain, but we'll leave no stone unturned in our investigation.
Following the TOP SECRET information we've been able to gather thus far, Derailed predicts a large scale degradation of Boonen's physical condition to rival that of just about every coastline in Europe. Mark our words: he'll be advertising denture glue on Eurosport within five years.
Not entirely a slow news day, actually
Alberto Contador won in Romandie, which is good because we like him. The only reason we're not bombarding you with overenthusiastic praise of him is because of this:
"An almost identical performance to his victory atop Les Paccots exactly twelve months ago, the Spaniard attacked with an inner force of someone who has being on the brink of death and bounced back, driving home his advantage to not only earn him the stage, but also the overall lead in the 60th Tour de Romandie."
CyclingNews used up the day's hyberbole quotient in a single race report :(
TOMORROW:
Boonen sells out. But it'll be funnier and less forced than today's entry, promise.
Toothache news stolen from here, because we couldn't think of anything for ourselves:
Cycling News - April 28
Contador news stolen from here:
Cycling News - Romandie
