Things to do before Eurosport ruins the coverage of le Tour
Published by Halverde on 5/22/2006 at 18:44.
With just the Dauphiné Libéré and final week of the Giro left before the Tour de France, now is the time to get some final training in before the big event. And now, for one week only, we're making available the DerailedUK performance plan entirely free of charge. Begin following these simple steps now to see a marked improvement in your Eurosport cycling consumption during July:
1. Start taking an interest in tennis
If the Giro is anything to go by, you'll be seeing a lot more tennis than cycling as it over-runs on both Eurosport channels and the BBC at the same time. So you might as well enjoy it. Will Tiger Tim win, or will British hopes rest on the shoulders of that one who vomitted? For the greatest results, also try to eat strawberries and cream and read the Daily Mail.
2. Blank out David Duffield
Or rather: tune out David Duffield, whilst also allowing the most stupid things he says to slip into your conciousness for ridicule. Whilst the chances of being able to do a Duffield recce prior to the Tour look slim, practicing on David Harmon's commentary should at least serve as a warm up. Trust us, your sanity will thank you for doing so.
3. Convince yourself the race is worth watching, even though it has been won with at least a week to spare
The absence of Lance Armstrong means that training your skill in this discipline won't be as necessary as in the previous two years' Tours, but it is nonetheless a distinct possibility given the sorry lack of depth in serious overall contenders. In fact, there's only two. Two and half if you include Valverde.
Don't say: "This is boring."
Do say: "Wow, he's leading by four minutes after the first week, what a ride!"
4. Buy a Nintendo DS or a Sony PSP or a book
So you can "watch" the dull flat stages from beginning to end without being bored. There aren't many pre-Tour flat stages available for practicing this skill, but the Giro's final day and a middling Dauphiné stage should be sufficient. Make sure you can focus your attention just enough to be able to reel off the winners of all the primes and the top five at the finish.
5. Tick off the clichés of specific races
Use our checklist for the Giro and make your own for the Dauphiné. You'll be hearing the same statistics, stories and sayings that you have at every year's Tour de France previously, so you'll need to be prepared to treat them with light humour rather than considering them as legitimation for a muderous rampage.
1. Start taking an interest in tennis
If the Giro is anything to go by, you'll be seeing a lot more tennis than cycling as it over-runs on both Eurosport channels and the BBC at the same time. So you might as well enjoy it. Will Tiger Tim win, or will British hopes rest on the shoulders of that one who vomitted? For the greatest results, also try to eat strawberries and cream and read the Daily Mail.
2. Blank out David Duffield
Or rather: tune out David Duffield, whilst also allowing the most stupid things he says to slip into your conciousness for ridicule. Whilst the chances of being able to do a Duffield recce prior to the Tour look slim, practicing on David Harmon's commentary should at least serve as a warm up. Trust us, your sanity will thank you for doing so.
3. Convince yourself the race is worth watching, even though it has been won with at least a week to spare
The absence of Lance Armstrong means that training your skill in this discipline won't be as necessary as in the previous two years' Tours, but it is nonetheless a distinct possibility given the sorry lack of depth in serious overall contenders. In fact, there's only two. Two and half if you include Valverde.
Don't say: "This is boring."
Do say: "Wow, he's leading by four minutes after the first week, what a ride!"
4. Buy a Nintendo DS or a Sony PSP or a book
So you can "watch" the dull flat stages from beginning to end without being bored. There aren't many pre-Tour flat stages available for practicing this skill, but the Giro's final day and a middling Dauphiné stage should be sufficient. Make sure you can focus your attention just enough to be able to reel off the winners of all the primes and the top five at the finish.
5. Tick off the clichés of specific races
Use our checklist for the Giro and make your own for the Dauphiné. You'll be hearing the same statistics, stories and sayings that you have at every year's Tour de France previously, so you'll need to be prepared to treat them with light humour rather than considering them as legitimation for a muderous rampage.
