Script extract: 2000 Tour de France dramatisation

Published by Halverde on 6/15/2006 at 20:07.

INT. LANCE ARMSTRONG’S ROOM IN THE MOST EXPENSIVE HOTEL IN FUTUROSCOPE, JULY 1ST, 2000.

Having been beaten by DAVID MILLAR by two seconds in the Tour’s prologue, LANCE ARMSTRONG has returned to his hotel room ready to prepare for the next day’s racing. He is pacing in front of the large mirror that dominates his luxury suite, looking worried. He stops, then points at his reflection and winks.

ARMSTRONG
It’s mallard time!

He jumps up into the air and punches a chair in the corner of the room.

ARMSTRONG (CONT'D)
No! No! No! Mallard?? Why can’t I get this right? He’s going to think I’m such an idiot!

Recent vitriol


Which cyclists have we libelled this month?

These ones haven't aged well


Much like Laurent Brochard

Some old updates that aren't entirely awful


And there'll be even more coming to this spot just as soon as we can be bothered trawling through our somewhat embarrassing archives.

Script extracts, because these seem to be popular for some reason

Simon and Anthony


Nigel and company


Johnathan & friends, even though they're always last with the news and the website is horrible


Dutch cyclists we like because they're better/more attractive than British riders

Bobke Strut is so good that it deserves a category of its own

Arrr, bike pirates

George!

Things we hate so much we're not even going to link to them

  • Trust But Verify
  • Trek
  • Assos

Our e-mail inbox isn't just for Japanese gambling promotions and the latest advances in penis enlargement chemistry, you know

What's the word "derailed" got to do with bikes anyway?

  • Err... bikes have things called derailleurs? Apart from track bikes, which don't.

If derailleurs evolved from fixies, how come there are still fixies?

  • Survival of the fixest.


XML/RSS feed
Livejournal feed (actually works now)

DerailedUK 2006-2007.
All words, images and flashing things are the work of DerailedUK unless otherwise stated. However, all content is free from copyright -- use and manipulate at will. Unless you're from Cycling Weekly, in which case it's £50 for every word you plagiarise, including "a", "the", and "and". The opinions expressed on this website do not neccessarily reflect the opinions of you or anybody you know. If anything you've read on here has antagonised you, do get in touch -- we're always up for a giggle.