Script extraxt: Laurent Fignon biopic (part one)

Published by Halverde on 6/02/2006 at 16:26.

INT. SUPER U TEAM BUS, JULY 23 1989.

LAURENT FIGNON is considering how best to defend his 50 second lead over GRED LEMOND during the final day of the Tour de France, a 24.5km long time-trial from Versailles to Paris. He discusses it with his manager, CYRIL GUIMARD. Or so he thinks.

FIGNON
With these aerodynamic bars and helmet I can surely save at least nine seconds in the upcoming time trial.

EVIL ROBOT GUIMARD
Nonsense! What is nine seconds? What a ridiculous idea!

FIGNON
But against a time trialist like Lemond every second will be important.

EVIL ROBOT GUIMARD
*sinister laugh*


In other, less ridiculous news:
The minutes of our monthly meeting are available.

Recent vitriol


Which cyclists have we libelled this month?

These ones haven't aged well


Much like Laurent Brochard

Some old updates that aren't entirely awful


And there'll be even more coming to this spot just as soon as we can be bothered trawling through our somewhat embarrassing archives.

Script extracts, because these seem to be popular for some reason

Simon and Anthony


Nigel and company


Johnathan & friends, even though they're always last with the news and the website is horrible


Dutch cyclists we like because they're better/more attractive than British riders

Bobke Strut is so good that it deserves a category of its own

Arrr, bike pirates

George!

Things we hate so much we're not even going to link to them

  • Trust But Verify
  • Trek
  • Assos

Our e-mail inbox isn't just for Japanese gambling promotions and the latest advances in penis enlargement chemistry, you know

What's the word "derailed" got to do with bikes anyway?

  • Err... bikes have things called derailleurs? Apart from track bikes, which don't.

If derailleurs evolved from fixies, how come there are still fixies?

  • Survival of the fixest.


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