Script extraxt: Laurent Fignon biopic (part three)

Published by Halverde on 6/04/2006 at 12:58.

INT. SUPER U TEAM BUS, JULY 23 1989.

LAURENT FIGNON has just lost the 1989 Tour de France and witnessed an evil cyborg go on a rampage after posing as his manager. Whilst his domestiques and mechanics are dealing with the problem, FIGNON is eating a sandwich. BJARNE RIIS enters the team bus.

RIIS
Well, we finally defeated the evil robot version of our manager, Cyril Guimard.

FIGNON
Thank goodness!

RIIS
Inside we found this panel

Cut to a close up of a metal plate, inscribed on which are the words "MADE IN USA"

FIGNON
LEMOOOOOOOOND!

Recent vitriol


Which cyclists have we libelled this month?

These ones haven't aged well


Much like Laurent Brochard

Some old updates that aren't entirely awful


And there'll be even more coming to this spot just as soon as we can be bothered trawling through our somewhat embarrassing archives.

Script extracts, because these seem to be popular for some reason

Simon and Anthony


Nigel and company


Johnathan & friends, even though they're always last with the news and the website is horrible


Dutch cyclists we like because they're better/more attractive than British riders

Bobke Strut is so good that it deserves a category of its own

Arrr, bike pirates

George!

Things we hate so much we're not even going to link to them

  • Trust But Verify
  • Trek
  • Assos

Our e-mail inbox isn't just for Japanese gambling promotions and the latest advances in penis enlargement chemistry, you know

What's the word "derailed" got to do with bikes anyway?

  • Err... bikes have things called derailleurs? Apart from track bikes, which don't.

If derailleurs evolved from fixies, how come there are still fixies?

  • Survival of the fixest.


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