We checked the DerailedUK inbox this week and discovered that we actually had e-mails that weren't offering us details of Nigerian pyramid schemes or penis enlargement pills. Sadly, most of these e-mails went along the lines of "How dare you say such things about Floyd Landis? He does NOT have a square head!" This one was good though. So good, in fact, that we wish we'd noticed it prior to the Tour so we could've passed it off as our own. It's from a Mr Damian Field, who we sort of know!

Here are 6 things I'd love to see at this year's Tour:

1. Millartime happening again at the prologue.
2. The big showdown between Basso & Ullrich being upstaged by The Little Prince & Balaverde.
3. Sean Kelly finally losing it with Duffers & shouting 'for Christ's sake watch the race!'
4. Tom Boonen winning loads of sprints & wearing a sexually explicit t-shirt in the post race interviews.
5. Manolo Saiz attempting a roadside protest as the race enters the Pyrenees.
6. All the American GC hopefuls falling out with each other & ensuring that there are no more chants of 'USA, USA, USA' on the Champs-Elysees.

We want to see all of those things happen too, but we now know that only number six is even remotely likely. If anyone in the Tour entourage is reading this, do us a favour and have a few rounds of Chinese whispers until all the American riders can be seen noticably grumbling "Levi said WHAT about me?" on the start line.

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