A new weekly summary thing that we'll probably never do again

Here's a fun list of things we've learned in the not-quite-a-week since we last updated. We really love lists.

CONI are so wacky.
"Oil for Drugs" is such a stupid name that we actually thought that somebody was having us on. But no, it really is a genuine investigation (you can tell because it's been going since 2004 and it's still not even close to reaching any kind of resolution). It's all so haphazard that we're not entirely sure who's implicated and who isn't, something that's further confounded everyone with CONI's decision to ban Petacchi for a year and seemingly ignore Piepoli's non-negative test at the same time. Hooray, we said a bad thing about an anti-doping body -- this is bound to get us a mention on Trust But Verify.

CyclingNews.com is a million times more valuable than this site.
According to our last stock market valuation, DerailedUK was worth £2.20 provided we threw in the keyring we got at the top of Mont Ventoux and the Che Guevara hat we bought in Amsterdam. We were generally pleased by this. But now that CyclingNews has sold for £2,200,000, we're starting to feel a little insignificant. Hopefully this will kickstart a series of cycling website buyouts as major publishers scramble to get in on the action, and we'll be able to sell this site for £50,000 and retire to a small studio flat in a rougher part of Hull.

"Tip Top Girls" is a geniune contest.
At least, it is according to a badly-translated press release we've received. Luckily, said press release includes such words as "stiff", "members", "ease" and "cheek", so we're planning on turning this into a full update at some point this week. We like it when ASO makes it easier for us to keep this site updated (with smut).

Cycling.TV's prologue preview is the best in the world. Ever.
Us being nice about things is happening increasingly often, but that's just payola and most of you have learned to just scroll past it and get to the next bit where we go all "scathing". However, Cycling.TV's prologue preview is actually really good. At least ten times better than all the hyperbole of the print media and the helmet-cam nonsense of the rest of the internet, in fact. Rumour has it that they actually got arrested filming it, which means they've overtaken us in the "piss off lots of authority figures in the name of cycling journalism" stakes.


Some old updates that aren't entirely awful


And there'll be even more coming to this spot just as soon as we can be bothered trawling through our somewhat embarrassing archives.

Simon and Anthony


Nigel and company


Johnathan & friends, even though they're always last with the news and the website is horrible


Dutch cyclists we like because they're better/more attractive than British riders

Bobke Strut is so good that it deserves a category of its own

Arrr, bike pirates

George!

Things we hate so much we're not even going to link to them

  • Trust But Verify
  • Trek
  • Assos

Our e-mail inbox isn't just for Japanese gambling promotions and the latest advances in penis enlargement chemistry, you know

What's the word "derailed" got to do with bikes anyway?

  • Err... bikes have things called derailleurs? Apart from track bikes, which don't.

If derailleurs evolved from fixies, how come there are still fixies?

  • Survival of the fixest.


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DerailedUK 2006-2007.
All words, images and flashing things are the work of DerailedUK unless otherwise stated. However, all content is free from copyright -- use and manipulate at will. Unless you're from Cycling Weekly, in which case it's £50 for every word you plagiarise, including "a", "the", and "and". The opinions expressed on this website do not neccessarily reflect the opinions of you or anybody you know. If anything you've read on here has antagonised you, do get in touch -- we're always up for a giggle.