You thought we'd forgotten about the videogames feature we started six months ago, didn't you? Not a chance, we just knew this was going to happen and so were waiting for someone to make the game. And we forgot about it, yeah.



Here it is: Rasmussen ReTour de France. It's in Dutch, so it helps if you're fluent in gobbledegook. The basic premise is that you are Michael Rasmussen, riding down a motorway. On the left is Mexico, on the right is Italy. Presumably this motorway is somewhere in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

But the motorway is not empty of things to contend with. No, not other cyclists. No, not even cars. The things you're concerned with are 12-foot tall photographers and potholes in the middle of the road. Because of this, it's more "Guiseppe Guerini comes to Liverpool" than "a satirical recreation of Rasmussen's ill-fated Tour".



To stop your Tour from dying, you have to pick up pills and syringes and bags of blood. This fills up your time meter, which is conveniently transformed into a syringe in this game. The creators have stopped at nothing to make us laugh.

And... that's it. Michael Rasmussen can't turn very well, so avoiding the giants who just happen to be standing motionless in the middle of this motorway in the ocean is a bit difficult. You can't get to the Champs Elysees, or Italy, or Mexico, or anywhere. You'll just lose eventually. Our top score: 531.048

Official rating
0/10. The worst thing we've ever played. Even worse than the ASCII art version of Deluxe Strip Poker II. This is NOT in the Top Five.

Aside
2007 Tour de France race report coming later today, after we've finished wording it so that it antagonises the most amount of people.