Dope-Free Friday: A silly bicycle
Published by Halverde on 6/29/2007 at 14:40.
We're not even going to make a poo joke.
No, we don't know either. It's not a good week for dope-free updates.
Next week:
Behind the scenes at Cycling.tv! (If we can smuggle a camera in with us.)
A quite long thing about a not-so-late night out in London
Published by Halverde on 6/25/2007 at 10:05.
We went to the Smithfield Nocturne, and now we're going to write a review of it even though we didn't take any photographs and can't really think of that much we can say about it that'll be very funny.
Smithfield Nocturne Official Race Review
Like all of our nights out, it started well before quickly descending into a sordid mess of feasting on unhealthy food, drinking beer that costs more per pint than our entire weekly shopping budget, and huddling together with complete strangers in doorways to avoid torrential rain. You can tell how good an event it's been by how loudly you tell your phone to shut up for ringing at 11am the following morning.
We got ourselves perfectly positioned to see an horrific crash on the finishing line of the first event. It was all very exciting, especially since we were perched on a railing over a 30ft drop. Someone won, but we can't remember who.
Later came the messenger race, which we were looking forward to because we actually genuinely love butchered track bikes. It would've been better if we understood what the hell was going on, but we just cheered the riders on fixies and looked distainfully at anybody with a derailleur.
Next up was the obviously-stolen-from-us folding bike race. But we can't prove the extent to which the idea was plagiarised because we didn't see any of it. There was rain, and we were on the phone.
The night finished with a criterium for riders that cycling fans have actually heard of. During the announcements there was a man shouting at Rob Hayles. It wasn't us, even though we got some dirty looks because we were stood next to him giggling. The actual race was very good, but we're bored of writing this and someone else has probably already done a comprehensive race report anyway.
The best bit
When a group of drunken men stumbled out of a bar on the course just as the final criterium was finishing and one slurred in shock, "How long's this been going on?! (pause) You know what this is? The Toe de France. The Toe. Du. France. They've been advertising it everwhere." Presumably they'd been in the bar for a long, long time before the event started at 5pm, and hadn't planned to leave before the 7th of July.
"Famous" people we saw
David Millar
Matt Seaton
Anthony McCrossan
Brian Smith
...but the last two don't really count since see them every day now that we've "arrived"
Not so famous -- but still quite good -- people we saw
Fran Millar
Bob Barber
Simon Brydon
That guy who always says "Hi" to us, and even though we know he's important we don't actually know who he is
Conclusion
Best race ever, 10/10, etc. We can't wait to get rained on at the Tour prologue.
Smithfield Nocturne Official Race Review
Like all of our nights out, it started well before quickly descending into a sordid mess of feasting on unhealthy food, drinking beer that costs more per pint than our entire weekly shopping budget, and huddling together with complete strangers in doorways to avoid torrential rain. You can tell how good an event it's been by how loudly you tell your phone to shut up for ringing at 11am the following morning.
We got ourselves perfectly positioned to see an horrific crash on the finishing line of the first event. It was all very exciting, especially since we were perched on a railing over a 30ft drop. Someone won, but we can't remember who.
Later came the messenger race, which we were looking forward to because we actually genuinely love butchered track bikes. It would've been better if we understood what the hell was going on, but we just cheered the riders on fixies and looked distainfully at anybody with a derailleur.
Next up was the obviously-stolen-from-us folding bike race. But we can't prove the extent to which the idea was plagiarised because we didn't see any of it. There was rain, and we were on the phone.
The night finished with a criterium for riders that cycling fans have actually heard of. During the announcements there was a man shouting at Rob Hayles. It wasn't us, even though we got some dirty looks because we were stood next to him giggling. The actual race was very good, but we're bored of writing this and someone else has probably already done a comprehensive race report anyway.
The best bit
When a group of drunken men stumbled out of a bar on the course just as the final criterium was finishing and one slurred in shock, "How long's this been going on?! (pause) You know what this is? The Toe de France. The Toe. Du. France. They've been advertising it everwhere." Presumably they'd been in the bar for a long, long time before the event started at 5pm, and hadn't planned to leave before the 7th of July.
"Famous" people we saw
David Millar
Matt Seaton
Anthony McCrossan
Brian Smith
...but the last two don't really count since see them every day now that we've "arrived"
Not so famous -- but still quite good -- people we saw
Fran Millar
Bob Barber
Simon Brydon
That guy who always says "Hi" to us, and even though we know he's important we don't actually know who he is
Conclusion
Best race ever, 10/10, etc. We can't wait to get rained on at the Tour prologue.
New favourite website
Published by Halverde on 6/19/2007 at 14:09.
Move over The Innertube, we've got a new all time favourite website for this week. It's called something and was probably made by someone and lets you design your own bike! Within some fairly strictly defined parameters!
(No screenshots today because we're in work and can't remember our FTP settings, but you can click here to view the site yourself anyway, so that's okay really.)
We've fiddled with this for LITERALLY minutes. It's just like making a proper fixie, since the chain goes far too slack whenever you try to move the back wheel forward to a point where it'd actually look good. Such an accurate simulation -- these internet designers are capable of ANYTHING.
Official "placeholder while we think of something good to write about" rating 6/10
(No screenshots today because we're in work and can't remember our FTP settings, but you can click here to view the site yourself anyway, so that's okay really.)
We've fiddled with this for LITERALLY minutes. It's just like making a proper fixie, since the chain goes far too slack whenever you try to move the back wheel forward to a point where it'd actually look good. Such an accurate simulation -- these internet designers are capable of ANYTHING.
Official "placeholder while we think of something good to write about" rating 6/10
Things We Never Knew About Cycling: Part One
Published by Halverde on 6/14/2007 at 11:40.
Wiggins wins!
Published by Halverde on 6/12/2007 at 12:44.
...but nobody gets in touch to tell us. We're expected to follow cycling ourselves now?
Anyway, our man Bradley took the prologue, cementing his place in the Tour line up. It was so obvious that it could've been predicted by, say, a houseplant, which is probably why nobody's kicking up a huge fuss about it. Unless the media IS kicking up a huge fuss about it and we've just not noticed because even though we're spending eight hours a day in front of a computer, our job largely consists of pressing F5 in front of Facebook and hoping that a random girl we went to school with has sent us a friend request.
They never do send that friend request. :(
Anyway, our man Bradley took the prologue, cementing his place in the Tour line up. It was so obvious that it could've been predicted by, say, a houseplant, which is probably why nobody's kicking up a huge fuss about it. Unless the media IS kicking up a huge fuss about it and we've just not noticed because even though we're spending eight hours a day in front of a computer, our job largely consists of pressing F5 in front of Facebook and hoping that a random girl we went to school with has sent us a friend request.
They never do send that friend request. :(
Some cropped and resized stuff about that Giro d'Italia thing
Published by Halverde on 6/09/2007 at 09:03.
We're back! It's been a week and a day since we last updated this site, which makes it the longest we've ever ignored the site for, we think. Blame it on all the time we've wasted camping in fields full of cows and flies, getting trains to distant places to ask for jobs, and sitting on a bright yellow sofa. Nothing wrong with yellow sofas, unless you're a goth or don't live in the late 1960s.
Looking back at the week's news, we're kind of glad we gave it a miss anyway. Frank Frank Vandenbroucke's suicide attempt; Quick Step being busted (as opposed to Quick Step being Busted, as a follow up to their brief stint as Metallica); and higher powers deciding to take Bjarne Riis's Tour win away as a token gesture, despite the fact that nobody in the world is under the illusion that it'll actually solve ANYTHING.
But we have to write about something, just to prove to any newcomers that we really are the UK's best cycling website, and not just a stupid blog obsessed with folding bikes and Tom Boonen. So we're going to steal some images from Cycling News and write some sort of race report about the Giro d'Italia, even though we're already quite bored of the computer and should probably be looking for a bedsit in London.
Giro d'Italia photoreview
Stage 1: The race opened with a randomly ordered hilly team time trial. We should've known it'd be a classic. Di Luca demonstrated his "It's not fair, I'm the team leader, I wanted the pink jersey" face as Gasparotto rolled in ahead of him.
Stage 3: Petacchi took the stage, proving he was back to his best. He took five stages in total, even though this really, really wasn't a Giro for the sprinters. As a reward, he finally got shown that video of the girl pooing live eels into another girl's mouth.
Stage 4: Di Luca won, cementing his position as a favourite for the overall. We don't like his face.
Stage 7: The stage finished on the Mugello race track, which is such a brilliant, brilliant, stupid idea. More of this, please. Could be our latest ill-conceived obsession.
Stage 8: Ricardo Ricco totally got bullied.
Stage 9: We've stolen more images than we can possibly be bothered writing summaries about. This one looks like a sprint.
Stage 11: Finished on actual ice. Bound to turn up on A Question of Sport sooner or later.
Stage 12: We invented fisheye cycling photography. Someone owes us some royalties.
Stage 13: There was a mountain time trial, but it wasn't that interesting and more or less decided the race winner with a week to go.
Stage 14: Garzelli won. For the first time in two whole weeks, Simoni got to accuse someone of cheating.
Stage 15: Ricardo Ricco took the stage and finally cracked his boring, sour gaze on the podium to briefly show us his sex face.
Stage 16: We were going to post that photo of Salvatore Commesso wearing a shower cap over his helmet to keep the rain off. Garzelli eventually won the stage, but Eurosport thought tennis was more important so nobody really knows for sure. This image is us being "funny" about the whole situation.
Stage 17: The queen stage. Simoni dropped Di Luca, Piepoli proved himself the most selflessly capable climber in the race, and Cunego earned a few Euros dragging Di Luca up the mountain behind. Fascinating, even if the time gaps didn't quite reflect all the media hype about the final climb. That almost sounds like a proper summary, which could be a worring reflection of how we're becoming "institution".
Stage 18: Filippo Pozzato had a giggle with Danilo Di Luca about us saying our eventual race winner would only finish 15th. You won't be laughing when we're stalking you at the Tour of Britain again, Pippo.
Stage 19: Does anybody know where to buy spoons? We had to fashion one out of a cereal box to eat our Shreddies, but it went all soggy. We stole one from a pub later on but then lost it, so that's a bit rubbish.
Stage 20: There was a time trial. It wasn't very exciting really, but it did cause a couple of big changes in the GC. This is satisfactory.
Stage 21: Overall race rating 8/10. Pretty boss. That vase will never hold any water in though.
Next week
Not a lot, in all likelihood. But we'll try to put SOMETHING up here to maintain the illusion that this is a functioning website.
Looking back at the week's news, we're kind of glad we gave it a miss anyway. Frank Frank Vandenbroucke's suicide attempt; Quick Step being busted (as opposed to Quick Step being Busted, as a follow up to their brief stint as Metallica); and higher powers deciding to take Bjarne Riis's Tour win away as a token gesture, despite the fact that nobody in the world is under the illusion that it'll actually solve ANYTHING.
But we have to write about something, just to prove to any newcomers that we really are the UK's best cycling website, and not just a stupid blog obsessed with folding bikes and Tom Boonen. So we're going to steal some images from Cycling News and write some sort of race report about the Giro d'Italia, even though we're already quite bored of the computer and should probably be looking for a bedsit in London.
Giro d'Italia photoreview
Stage 1: The race opened with a randomly ordered hilly team time trial. We should've known it'd be a classic. Di Luca demonstrated his "It's not fair, I'm the team leader, I wanted the pink jersey" face as Gasparotto rolled in ahead of him.
Stage 3: Petacchi took the stage, proving he was back to his best. He took five stages in total, even though this really, really wasn't a Giro for the sprinters. As a reward, he finally got shown that video of the girl pooing live eels into another girl's mouth.
Stage 4: Di Luca won, cementing his position as a favourite for the overall. We don't like his face.
Stage 7: The stage finished on the Mugello race track, which is such a brilliant, brilliant, stupid idea. More of this, please. Could be our latest ill-conceived obsession.
Stage 8: Ricardo Ricco totally got bullied.
Stage 9: We've stolen more images than we can possibly be bothered writing summaries about. This one looks like a sprint.
Stage 11: Finished on actual ice. Bound to turn up on A Question of Sport sooner or later.
Stage 12: We invented fisheye cycling photography. Someone owes us some royalties.
Stage 13: There was a mountain time trial, but it wasn't that interesting and more or less decided the race winner with a week to go.
Stage 14: Garzelli won. For the first time in two whole weeks, Simoni got to accuse someone of cheating.
Stage 15: Ricardo Ricco took the stage and finally cracked his boring, sour gaze on the podium to briefly show us his sex face.
Stage 16: We were going to post that photo of Salvatore Commesso wearing a shower cap over his helmet to keep the rain off. Garzelli eventually won the stage, but Eurosport thought tennis was more important so nobody really knows for sure. This image is us being "funny" about the whole situation.
Stage 17: The queen stage. Simoni dropped Di Luca, Piepoli proved himself the most selflessly capable climber in the race, and Cunego earned a few Euros dragging Di Luca up the mountain behind. Fascinating, even if the time gaps didn't quite reflect all the media hype about the final climb. That almost sounds like a proper summary, which could be a worring reflection of how we're becoming "institution".
Stage 18: Filippo Pozzato had a giggle with Danilo Di Luca about us saying our eventual race winner would only finish 15th. You won't be laughing when we're stalking you at the Tour of Britain again, Pippo.
Stage 19: Does anybody know where to buy spoons? We had to fashion one out of a cereal box to eat our Shreddies, but it went all soggy. We stole one from a pub later on but then lost it, so that's a bit rubbish.
Stage 20: There was a time trial. It wasn't very exciting really, but it did cause a couple of big changes in the GC. This is satisfactory.
Stage 21: Overall race rating 8/10. Pretty boss. That vase will never hold any water in though.
Next week
Not a lot, in all likelihood. But we'll try to put SOMETHING up here to maintain the illusion that this is a functioning website.
Dope Free Friday: Mayo is good again
Published by Halverde on 6/01/2007 at 21:09.
From here on in, nobody is allowed to discuss doping on a Friday. It's cycling's equivalent of ladies night, but better because Floyd Landis is GUARANTEED not to show up.
With today's stage win, Mayo's only gone and done it a couple of weeks early. He usually leaves it until at least the Dauphine Libere before offering a glimpse of his ability, to make people who should know better (us) tout it as a triumphant return to form and claim him as a geniune contender for the Tour.
Iban Mayo: Our pick for the Tour 2007.
With today's stage win, Mayo's only gone and done it a couple of weeks early. He usually leaves it until at least the Dauphine Libere before offering a glimpse of his ability, to make people who should know better (us) tout it as a triumphant return to form and claim him as a geniune contender for the Tour.
Iban Mayo: Our pick for the Tour 2007.
